Friday, 07 March 2008

• Stevinson Ranch event

  So the Battle before the Baby went down last weekend, and before anything else I must say the biggest trooper of this tournament has to be Dina.  She is eight months prego and driving the cart around in 40 mph wind in the pouring rain while it was freezing and taking video footage of the event.  Great job D.  Also props to EZ and Phamage for getting the website up and cool.  For those of you not involved with the EG crew but want to know who the members are, he is the link to the website http://elevatedgreens.com/

   

  So we arrive in Turlock at the Travelodge and check into the hotel at about 8:30, and the not so hard core alkies, went to go eat at this coffee shop that has a pub, while the savages headed straight to the liquor store.  So we go into this very hick like place and head for the lounge, where there was this cute waitress in double pig tails that had this hot trailer trash look similar to Britney Murphy in 8-Mile.  So the quote of the night happens less then 3 minutes after we walk in the door.  So Pat and MTC walk up to the bar to get us some beers and the first thing they hear from a guy sitting at the bar next to them is: “You know I could kill you both”  now I have no idea what that was all about and the guy was serious.  So after the first round of beers, Robby goes to a different part of the bar, where a different guy who says that his girlfriend was sitting where Robby was standing and promptly lets him know that he could kill him.  Now I don’t know how things go down there but it strikes me as being a little odd, that the first two people we talk to want to kill us.  We can’t even call it racism against Asians, but Pat and MTC are Caucasian.  So after dinner and a few beer in about an hour the savages come in from the rooms that they were drinking in.  Now about this time I get a call on my cell from this Jungle Julie talking about some drama between her and this girl that she had set me up with, but that will be for a separate entry.  So anyways the savages get there and they are fucked up from what appeared to be the Syphon special (Kessler and Pepsi) so they get there and start order a bunch of beer and Frosty who is becoming known as the (Cougar Hunter) was doing his thing on the dance floor reminiscent of the Sactown Bazaar a couple years ago.  So while this was going on I was on the phone dealing with drama L and end up going to bed about 12:30.

   

  …So now the golf begins.  We woke up at about 6:00 and packed up, checked out and headed to the course.  So things started off horrible for team San Jose before the golf even started as their number 1 stunna Jason Chiochios was MIA with an illness, which was terrible news for them, but the best thing that could happen for Frosty since it made it so he didn’t have to be the Sactown version of TsujiC and get the infamous Reverse Perfection award on his profile for the second straight event.  So with no Chiochios we figure Sactown already has a two point advantage….more on that later.  Now it seems like I have written a lot so far and we haven’t even started talking about golf.  That is because my opening tee shot is now on the blooper reel, the only thing that could have made it worse would have been if Dina kept filming when the Starter asked me if I was the guy that told him that we wouldn’t taking any of my tee shots, to which I replied Yup that was me.  So anyways I found out pretty close to the beginning of the round that Fung is not a bad weather golfer, and the weather was horrid.  The wind was freezing and at times felt like it was about 50 MPH, couple that with the rain which was ok at times and just flat out awful at times.  Now Chris was really tagging his drives off the tee and putting us in good spots, but we were not hitting our irons well, and putting was flat out awful.  That and I think we met a hot team.  I don’t know how the other teams played out there, but it sounded like people were struggling with the weather and conditions, that being said Chris and I bogeyed the first 5 holes and found ourselves down 4 after 5.  GW and Shepeng played very well together and really came through for each other.  When one of them would make a mistake on a hole the other would come through like a champ.  After the first 5 holes, Chris did a good job keeping us in the match tying a lot of holes.  My shining moment in the match (and there was only one) when Chris hit a sweet drive on hole 6 and then hit his second shot OB and hit a bad 4^th shot basically taking him out of the hole, and I had a good second shot, hit my third shot a little short, and chipped to about 10 feet, then made the put for par and won our first hole.  After that the match was mainly just Chris and we were still down 3 and never were able to make a legitimate run at it, though I heard rumors of some teams winning holes with double bogeys, they may have been just rumors because there was no way that was any good in our match.  In any event we got pretty well taxed up 5-4.  We got a free point when Tsuji gave up to having to play Whitey and Frosty alone.  Despite my groups debacle, team Sactown was up 5-2 after round 1.  Here are the results:

   

  Team San Jose	Score	Team Sacramento
  Wanga & Daddy-O	4-3	Ringer & Shoulder
  Pat & Phamage	1 up	Robby & Debo
  MTC & Teddow	2-1	The Ace & Tac
  EZ & Scott	5-4	Bob & Unsmizzy
  MIA & TsujiC	N/A	Whitey & Frosty
  GW & Shepeng	5-4	Fung & Wimpy
  Roger & Chad	2-1	Kungo & Dabu
  Result	2-5	Advantage Sactown

   

  So after a great tri tip sandwich lunch the second round got underway.  Now I have no idea how this first round match went, but Roger, Chad, Kungo, and Dabu were pulling there best GW, Fung, Sergio, and Kungo routine, and didn’t get done with the first round until almost an hour after the first group of the second round went out.  So there were eight of us waiting for those four for about a half hour, we even went back to the 18^th tee box looking for them after waiting for about 20 min, and saw some other groups on the 18^th hole so we started to worry and call all of them, then we finally saw them coming up cart path.  So they grab lunch to go and we head out first of the waiting ones.

   

  So the match is The Ace and I, against Roger and Chad.  Ace and I mesh well together and my second round is pretty much a mirror of my first round, as we par 4 of the first 5 and are up 4 holes after 5.  Now I still couldn’t put for shit, but I did have to bail The Ace out with a couple of my drives.  On the sixth hole I get a phone call from this girl that I was set up with and had been out with on a couple of double dates.  Before we left Sacramento there was some drama between this girl and the friend of mine that set me up with her (but that will be for the next entry about Crazy Bitches)  So this crazy bitch goes off on some tangent about her friend being pissed at her about some email miscommunication or some shit, and when I tried to explain to her that I was golfing with 27 other people from all over the State and some from out of the State to which she replied, I understand that you are busy, but my friend is mad at me.  So I had to clarify that I did care, but was doing something that involved my attention and there were other people who couldn’t go on with what they had to do until I did what I had to do, to which she said I understand, but my friend is mad at me, and proceeded to get all pissed that I wouldn’t drop everything that I was doing to be at her beck and call ready to assist with her every need.  About the time, my mood is going to shit, so was the weather, it started raining really hard and the wind picked up, and it was freezing outside.  Well this took two holes to have this conversation and I was very distracted and I think I hit like shit during this portion and we lost hole 7.  So I finally convince her to let me call her later that night and get back to golf.  So still I bit distracted by the BS from drama bitch, I proceeded to hit like shit for the next couple holes but Ace did well and we ended the Front up 3.  Then in a shocking move, Roger decided that he was done, now this came completely out of left field, but being that I was really sick a couple weeks before I understand what he was going through as this years flu is just brutal and when I was sick there was no way in hell I would have been out there playing golf especially in that weather.  I give Roger props just for coming out…he should have been in bed resting and dreaming about healthy fair weather golf like Chiochios.  So Roger and Chad concede the match and we quickly get out of the rain and into the club house where Dabu-Debo and Scott-Phamage were in the clubhouse since they agreed to draw the match as they were even after four holes and the weather went to complete shit.  So team Sactown is looking great up 6-2-1. Whitey and Kungo come in with a victory over Tsuji and Shepeng, which is balanced out by Bob and Shoulder coming in with a loss to Wanga and GW.  In the other two matches Pat & MTC beat Ringer & Frosty, and since Teddow has to play solo against Fung and Tac he doesn’t stand a chance and gets demolished.  Ok…So I have no idea what happened here.  Umm…where do I begin…I guess the only thing to be said is TEDDOW HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW!?!?!?  So Fung and Tac got thoroughly spanked by one guy in a Scramble/Alternate Shot format.  Now I totally understand the benefit that having a free try at a put could do for your second try, but at the same time one of our top dogs, and the guy who had the hottest stock on our team went down to one of the San Jose middleish guys who was supposed to be playing with the San Jose #1 Stunna.  The only thing that I can think of is, it’s a good thing Choichois wasn’t there or that match could have been a 6-5 ass raping…oh wait nevermind, I have no where to go with this either.  So let’s change the subject and have the results for Round 2

   

  Team San Jose	Score	Team Sacramento
  EZ & Daddy-O	AS	Robby & Unsmizzy
  Pat & MTC	3-1	Ringer & Frosty
  Scott & Phamage	AS	Dabu & Debo
  Wanga & GW	5-4	Bob & Shoulder
  Teddow & TEDDOW	6-5	Fung & Tac
  Roger & Chad	3-2	The Ace & Wimpy
  TsujiC & Shepeng	5-4	Whitey & Kungo
  Result	3-2	Advantage San Jose

   

  So after the first day Sactown is up 7-5 which is huge because the team that is down after day 1 has to cook the dinner for the night.  So after the round there was a Happy Hour that featured many free beers and great laughs on how the morning rounds went, how crappy the weather was, and just a bunch of guys that hadn’t seen each other in a while enjoying each others company.  There was some 1/4/24 going on and Scott wrecked the house and took everybody’s money.  After Happy Hour Chris and I went to the room, which turned out to be mini cabins.  The cabins are really nice, one bedroom with a living room with a couch bed and a kitchen.  Some place I would think would be perfect for a date if it wasn’t on a golf course (unless you are one of the luckiest men alive who has a girlfriend who plays golf) but alas, I was with Chris so we showered up changed into dry clothes and headed out to the Recreation Room where the BBQ was going on.  Now apparently we got there late because it looked like the party had been going on for a while when we arrived the food was cold but everything was great.  My mom came in typically Soldier fashion (thanks mom) and brought up a lot of food, like stuff for nachos, chips, jello, cookies ect.  People were enjoying the food, more beer, each others company and some herbal refreshment, except Phamage who was on detox so he couldn’t drink and was basically having a miserable time because of all the fun he was missing out on.  Pat was doing a great job preparing himself for parenthood with Stella, and there was talk of a poker game around 8:30 – 9:00ish.  So we hang out and shoot the shit for a while and a lot of people were tired and called it a night, and sometime around midnight for some reason a poker game came together.  Poker was fun, the game was good, and it was entertaining seeing a few of the herbally stimulated members come in search of midnight snacks.  During this time the quote of the tournament, maybe the quote of the year, and possibly the best quote in EG history came from Whitey that night.

   

  So there we were talking about Tiger Woods and how long ago Whitey, Bob, Ace, myself and a few others asked him if he would rather marry Jessica Alba or wash Tiger’s balls, to which he said he had to really think about it and asked questions like if he married Jessica Alba would he get to have sex with her, and if he got to wash Tiger’s balls would he get to caddy for him and things like that.  So fast forward to Saturday night, and Tiger Woods was on TV and I mentioned the previous Tiger vs. Jessica debate when Whitey made the infamous quote:

   

  Justin: “I would love to wash Tiger’s balls…not his golf balls”

   

  I mean I like Tiger as much as the next guy, but I have no idea why Whitey felt the need to tell us that he wanted to fondle Tiger, but to each his own right?

   

  After our poker game broke, due to people getting busted out, EZ talked Daddy-O into banking Pai Gow for a couple hands…Well the first few hands didn’t go to well for Daddy-O and he went down decently big pretty early, and he had a $10 maximum bet, and refused to let EZ raise bets or play multiple hands, so it appeared that we were in to play Pai Gow for the long haul.  So after a long and grueling battle on the Pai Gow table we finally got done about 2:00 AM and but fortunately didn’t have to tee off until 10:00.  Unfortunately the drama bitch called me and I was on the phone until 3:00.

   

  So now starts singles match play, now having had the flu for the past two weeks, and being out in the cold all Saturday, I felt like crap on Sunday.  So Roger apparently went home sick on Saturday night.  So the matchups that were planned out had to change with the loss of Roger and Choichois so we had to give up our “Ringer” to team San Jose, so now there are two guys that go both ways in our group (though the first one has never actually come to the “right” side)  So they decided to go out worst to best instead of the way we normally do it.  So right after breakfast I have to tee off and didn’t get a chance to hit balls or put, which is no big deal except that it was freezing and I have a history of wrist and forearm injuries.  So I win the first hole and things are looking good.  I three jack the second hole for the loss and give it right back up.  Now I must say that Phamage has gotten much better with his swing and ball striking since the last event.  He apparently took this lesson that taught him a lot about his game and he did a great job translating it to the course.  Now I will be the first to admit that when I saw that matchups I thought I was going to mop Phamage up, however with the new and improved Phamage I thought the match was going to be a great and really fun battle.  So on the fourth hole, the closest to the pin hole it is a 138 yard par 3 and I take out a 6-iron and hit a pimp ass shot that would normally go about 165 yards right at the flag, probably the cleanest shot I hit all weekend, but I guess it was a lot more windy then it looked because at the apex of the shot, the wind catches the ball and it drops pretty much straight down, it may have even been coming back at me when it hit the water about 5 yards short of the green.  I was so pissed, that should have been a highlight reel shot for my profile…but alas the gust from the gods put my great shot on the fucking blooper reel.  Next shot sucks and 2 put for the loss.  So now I am down one and we play even the rest of the front 9.  Somewhere during this time I tweaked my left forearm which tends to happen from time to time, and this could have happened from lack or warm up or the freezing weather, or it could have happened from hitting balls out of weed patches, but in any event I slowly but progressively lost my ability to follow through on my swings.  That made it very difficult to play as did fact that there were puddles on the green that made it impossible to putt.  Now I lost a hole because of the bullshit lake on the green, but I also won a hole for the same reason so no excuses there.  Now the weather went to complete shit, the rain was pouring and the wind kicked up as bad as it had been all weekend and I was just hoping to win one of the last two holes of the front 9 so we could be tied at the turn and I could offer Phamage a draw for the match.  Now the weather was bad enough that he said that he would have taken the draw, but I couldn’t win one of the last two so we play on.  Now in the back my arm started to hurt everytime I swung the club and there were two decently long carries that required a solid tee shot, and I couldn’t get the ball in the air for more then 150 yards so there were two holes that I pretty much conceded.  I just couldn’t swing the club and was done.  I so wish that I hadn’t hurt my arm because with the much improved Phamage, I think that the match could have been a really good one that came down to the wire but as it was I took a 5-4 ass spanking and couldn’t have felt better to just be done with the round.  So after the round I told Phamage that I wanted to go shower up and would meet him back in the clubhouse.  Upon getting back to the room, I decided that a hot bath to warm the body would be just what I needed.  So as my bath water was filling up I was watching the final holes of Tiger winning the match play championship.  So while in the bath I got a call from the drama chicks friend and talked to her while in the bath, and the bath felt so good that I refilled the hot water a couple times and ended up being there for about an hour and a half.  When I finally got back to the clubhouse Phamage had left to watch the other groups come in.  Now for some reason, as soon as we were done golfing, the sun came out, the rain stopped, the wind died down, and it was pretty much perfect golfing weather.  So I got back and had luch with Whitey since he got thoroughly taxed up by Pat, maybe he was thinking of the PGA matchplay championship instead of his match with Pat, and got distracted by thoughts of balls in his hands, but there is always next time, and maybe Tiger won’t have such an impact on the match.  I had another of those bomb ass tri-tip sandwiches and ordered some beers for those of us who lost and things were not looking good for the Sactown team as the first groups come in.  Daddy-O managed to get rid of the Saturday shanks in time to beat Debo 2 Up, and our Ringer which became their Ringer beat The Ace 4-3.  It appears that Wanga got torched by Robby,  and Fung found his bad weather game in time to beat EZ 2-1.  Another big win for us came when Bob cooled down a hot GW 2-1 for his avoidance of the reverse MVP award.  Now since I missed a lot of the golf of the final round (and I am getting writers block), I will just post the scores:

   

  Team San Jose	Score	Team Sacramento
  Wanga	5-3	Robby
  Ringer	4-3	The Ace
  Pat	7-6	Whitey
  EZ	2-1	Fung
  GW	2-1	Bob
  Teddow	AS	Dabu
  MTC	4-3	Frosty
  Shepeng	3-2	Shoulder
  Daddy-O	2 up	Debo
  Chad	4-2	Tac
  Scott	2-1	Unsmizzy
  TsujiC	6-4	Kungo
  Phamage	4-3	Wimpy
  Result	7-5	Advantage San Jose

   

  So for those of you who aren’t math majors, this brings up to 13-13 tie.  So it is agreed that since Dabu and Teddow were the ones that tied in the final day, they would go to a playoff to decide the winner.  So we all get to carts to go watch and by the time we get there, they have already hit their tee shots.  Dabu hooked his OB on the left, and Teddow hit his short down the right side fairway.  So Dabu has to take a penalty but hits a good 3 wood for his third.  Now Teddow should play safe since he is a stroke up IMO, but he pulls his best Mickelson or Tin Cup impression and pulls out the fairway wood, and skulls one into the shit on the right.  With no real way out he hits a 9-iron out of the shit back into the fairway.  Dabu’s 4^th  is another fairway wood that comes up about 50 yards short of the green.  Teddows 4^th is a long iron that hits off the blade and goes into the fairway bunker on the right.  Teddow’s fifth out of the bunker leaves him a little short of the green.  Dabu’s 5^th is a punch wede that ends up about 20 feet short of the flag, Teddow’s 6^th is over the flag by about 15 feet.  Dabu hits his putt to within a foot which is conceded for 7, and Teddow has to make his 15 footer for a tie and to force another playoff hole.  In any event Teddow misses the putt and Sactown takes home the trophy.

   

  So the tourney comes to a conclusion with Sactown now the back to back champions.  MVP and the new hottest guy on the Sactown team is Kungo who is 5-1 in the last two events after being 0-the world in the events prior, and should be shooting up the ranks accordingly.  Tsuji gets the reverse MVP record with an 0-3 record.  Pham and Teddow have to be shooting up the ranks on the San Jose team, also Pat has slowly but surely been creeping up the San Jose board with his long drives and good scores.  Myself and Frosty seem to be on a downward spiral for the Sactown team, and Tac seems to have his fire doused down a bit, but I’m sure that once he gets a little air he will be back to being the hot guy again.  This was a great tournament and could very easily have gone the other way if Choichois pulled a MJ instead of a Peja.  Thanks EZ and Robby for organizing this event, and great job of EZ and Dabu being captains of the respective teams.  Special thanks to Dina for video taping (though none of my shots were worth watching) and moms for bringing up the food and helping to set everything up.  The one thing that was missed in all this was a regular camera, so unfortunatley there are no pictures, but since we got the trophy I guess we can dress Toby up at any time.  I really look forward to the next event, and if anyone has anything to add to this or something cool worth mentioning please feel free to leave comments.

   

  • 8:25 PM
  • 57 Views
  • 0 eProps
  • 1 Comment